This time last year I wouldn’t have known I’d be where I am right now. A year in mid 20's can bring major changes that used to be just part of your wildest dreams or you could never have dreamed about in the first place.
I’m a first year medical student and full scholar now at a dream school of mine — the Ateneo, as they would like to call it. I hang out a lot with my little sister because we’re both online students taking classes at home (she’s also my accountability partner in working out). I’m single again but currently getting to know a nerdy (and real cute) Scorpio who gets me and sends me the coolest songs (a daily interaction that is starting to give me the feels). I have a passion project and business in one (see: @thereystudio on IG) that helps me stay creative, connected to like-minded people, and financially supported while I am in med school. Both of my parents are living with us again. Majority of our family are vaccinated against COVID-19 and are relatively healthy. Our family has grown to include two dogs and six cats (it’s a lot and unplanned but hey, more to love!). I made friends that turned into a tight-knit family (we stay updated with each other’s life through Discord — friendship in the time of COVID). I can drive a stick and bring people to places. I got inked on my ribcage. Lorde released a pick-me-up album, a new chapter for her and the world really. Above all, my mind and heart feels light.
There’s much to be grateful for and I want to write about them as a reminder of all the good things that I was blessed with after going through such a difficult time from late 2020 to early 2021.
If I don’t look too far into the future, I can say that I’m happy with where I am at the moment. It’s the right balance of novelty and routine. It’s filled with passion, curiosity, and openness. New beginnings.
Still, as a typical human, some apprehensions are always at bay. Financing is a big one because I’m shouldering all my school-related expenses and it makes me feel bad not being able to contribute at home to make life comfortable for my parents. I’m anxious how long my savings will last and whether it will be enough for all the things I normally do to keep myself sane. I’m anxious if I can maintain the scholarship granted to me. Without it, I can’t afford to study in ASMPH or med school for that matter. I’m also anxious how I’ll take it when my peers start to settle down in the next few years while I stay dependent to my parents for living expenses.
Romance or relationship-wise, a part of me is starting to want more (an assurance of loyalty perhaps?) and I’m not sure if we’re ready to have that conversation or if it’s applicable at all.
Those are my major worries at the moment, issues of the future that I’m pulling to the present.
This tug of war should stop.
I strongly believe in my capability and the intentionality of God’s plan.
A lot of good things that happened this year were opportunities, sweet surprises to be more apt, that came up along the way. They were once concepts and work had to be done to actualize and keep them but still, here we are. And here, I’m choosing to stay.
An advice to be taken with a grain of salt but I’m letting the future take care of itself. The right things will come at the right time.
I’m making the most of the joy this present moment is bringing me — taking life one day at a time, living by my values, and strengthening my faith that things are unfolding to make me the best (and happiest ♡) person that I can be.
“Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere, doing something else, being someone else.” — Isaac Asimov
Living gently,
telle rey
